A Wife's Story

"Nothing had prepared me for this."
– Barbara R.

Barbara R. is a SecureHorizons® member who accessed a program called Evercare™ Connections, now called Evercare™ Solutions For Caregivers.

Like most new retirees, I looked forward to spending my "golden years" with my spouse. But just after I retired, my husband Jack developed a pain in his side and had to be rushed to the emergency room. That was the beginning of a long, slow decline in Jack's health and my new role as a caregiver.

Doctors diagnosed Jack with a urinary condition and coronary artery disease. After recovering from open-heart surgery, he continued to suffer with health problems. His urinary condition required the insertion of a catheter and I provided increasingly more care for him.

At first, I was able to keep up with the demands of caring for Jack. But as he realized he would not be able live without the catheter, he began to lose hope. He entered a deep depression and eventually lost his cognitive abilities. I was now solely responsible for keeping Jack safe and alive. Nothing had prepared me for this. The stress and fear were so overwhelming that one evening, after another trip to the emergency room, I passed out three times.

That's when I knew I needed help. Fortunately, my health care coverage plan, SecureHorizons Medicare Advantage from PacifiCare, included a program called A Solution for Caregivers. This program linked me with a Professional Care Manager who recommended resources and gave me advice on coping with the stress of being a caregiver. I believe what I learned from her and through my own experience can help other caregivers:

• Plan ahead. Learn about available resources before you need them.
• Be sure to build and maintain a solid support network. Call on family members whenever you can. I also reached out to my girlfriends, who always cheered me up and helped me on my darkest days.
• Do not neglect you own health. It's easy to think you don't have time to get a physical or eat properly. But if you are not around for your loved one, who will be?
• Do something for yourself every day. Take a bath, listen to your favorite CD - something just for you.

My husband passed away in April 2004. I know in my heart I did everything I could for him, and that has helped me immensely in dealing with his passing.